1.
SAE MADNESS
When you send in your entry form forget to include a S.A.E. or include
the smallest possible envelope thus ensuring all race details, number
etc. have to be multi-folded to get them into this tiny package. lf
you see a runner with a multi-creased number you will know who I am
talking about.
2.
DON'T COMPLETE YOUR ENTRY FORM
When filling in your entry form, write YES in the box asking for the
runners sex or leave the age box blank then moan about the fact you
are not recorded as 3rd over 40 on the results sheet.
3.
ENTER AS LATE AS POSSIBLE
Wait until the last week before sending off your entry form thus helping
to ensure the race secretary receives over 100 entries each day during
the last week,or send in your entry form after the closing date together
with a heart rending story about how the dog had eaten the original
entry form and had to be rushed to the vets.
4.
GIVE HIM SOME HASSLE
Arrive on the race secretary's doorstep with cheque and entry form
in hand demanding to be given a race number there and then. lf the
race secretary is in the middle of eating his dinner and you're the
10th person to call or phone that evening this is certain to upset
him.
5.
SWAP YOUR NUMBER (BUT DON'T TELL ANYONE)
Make sure no money is wasted. If you paid for a race entry but can't
run, give your number to someone else without telling the organisers,
then when the person running with your number collapses unconscious
halfway through the race and is rushed to hospital the police will
turn up on your doorstep to break the bad news to your family. This
is aguaranteed laughtermaker at parties for years afterwards! Better
still, if you're a woman and can't take part give your number to a
very fit man. This is certain to delay the prize presentation whilst
the organisers try to work out how an over 50 woman apparently finished
in 69 minutes.
6.
LOSE YOUR NUMBER
Lose your race number and then hassle the organisers 10 minutes before
the start for a new one.
7.
ARRIVE LATE
Arrive at the last minute, want to enter on the day, moan about the
length of the queues then expect the race director to delay the start
thus ensuring those who did arrive on time are left shivering on the
start line.
8.
STUFF THE SPONSORS
Insist on cutting or folding your race number, thus hiding the sponsors
name. When sponsors have generously given financial support which
helps keep entry fees down. It is clearly unfair to do this.
9.
ANNOY THE TIMEKEEPERS
Immediately you finish the race, approach the timekeeper to ask for
your finishing time. This may mean they miss recording the times of
some of the later finishers who being slower than you don't matter.
10.
FINISH TWICE
Once you've finished jog back down the course to help some of your
slower clubmates by accompanying them through the finish thus ensuring
finish recorders are sent potty trying to work out how runner 194
finished five times.
11.
BACK TO THE ENTRY FORM...
At the race presentation when the race organisers give the team prize
to another club, point out how a child of six could see that Bloggsby
Harriers should have won, then storm out angrily while the race secretary
goes off to fetch your entry form to prove you have left the space
for the name of your club blank.
12.
BE MISERABLE
Never smile (or thank if appropriate) any race official, who can
sometimes come in for a lot of complaint but without whose voluntary
efforts the race would not take place.
